Transition to You

This morning I had to go outside for a moment.  It was cold, brisk, freezing, and oh, so very beautiful.  It was so cold, and yet, something was going on in that cold.  It felt like something was enveloping me, wrapping around me to protect me from the extra layer of cold outside, holding me.

Right now is a bit of a crazy time in my life.  I am wrapping up a job I have worked on for almost 12 years.  I’m in the process of watching as an ending happens, being in the moment of what I call the ‘ick’ and looking towards the new beginning, trying to figure out the new beginning.  I am walking through the transition phases I have become an expert at these last 12 years.  I have to say, it-is-so-hard.  It’s also exciting, and wonderful, and amazing.  And scary.  My days are filled with wondering, trying, believing, and moving forward to define, allow, and receive.  I’m not ‘looking for a job’ or ‘writing my resume’.  I’m trying to simply embrace the now and do this next phase of my life differently than I or society has programmed me to do a next phase of life.

This morning, as I stood in my driveway (um, yes in my pajamas and slippers) letting the cold wrap around me like a blanket, protecting me, I knew – that I wasn’t alone in trying to do this.  Do I know what that means?  Were all of you there in the moment having your morning thoughts as you finish sleeping, or start your waking, or are on your way to work preparing for your own day?  Was it the universe that surrounds us with energy and beauty and support and light? Or was it just me, being really strong as another day begins?  I am totally honest as I tell you – I have no idea.  I simply allowed it to surround me and felt, not so cold and in total awe of the moment.  I felt very supported.

Today, as you begin another day, remember this – embrace the now, the moment, the ‘it’ of you – whatever that it is for you.  It may be your inside strength, your work, your family, your yoga class, your workout routine, your job, your loved ones, your friends, or your surroundings.  Simply embrace each piece of the day today – to give yourself the perspective that you are not alone.  These are very tough times we are in and holding onto the that feeling of being supported, embraced, and surrounded is a really good thing to do.

And if you are struggling?  Pick up the phone and call someone and say – I’m struggling.  I promise, you will move that moment for you.

Today I offer you a hug, some love, and a  way to accept and embrace any moment that is challenging you.  Have a very supported day.

with passion and honor,

Laura

I’ve been thinking about time – and how I feel I never have enough, it runs out before I’ve checked half my list, and it runs away from me.  Specifically, I’ve been thinking about how negative my thoughts are around time – they are as close to a full onslaught of swearing, screaming, tantrum kicking as I can get.  I hear my self in my head saying – WHAT THE HELL, WHERE’D THE TIME GO, HOW DID IT GET BY SO FAST.  And as I type this I’m realizing 2009 is almost over.  Hmmmm.  Well, one day I decided that I HAD to shift my thoughts around this.  I decided I needed to be present enough in my movements to change the thoughts focusing about how time keeps running out.  I started saying – I have enough time, it’s all getting done in time, I’m going to get through my list in the perfect time.  Know what? It worked!  I started feeling less pressured and like I was more able to get things done.  Whenever my thoughts wandered somewhere they didn’t need to be – toward anger, judgment, someone doing something that was bugging me, someone driving too slowly – I pulled it back to me.  I said, what do I need right now, where should I put my thoughts, what am I trying to get done.  I soon noticed – things getting done in my house, with work, on my list in an easier, less stressful, less annoying way.

Now, my husband would say that I flel off that wagon yesterday as I ripped both Bill and Zac for simply NOT MOVING AND HELPING OUT ENOUGH WHEN WE HAD TO BE SOMEWHERE BY 11.  I was so un-pretty in my actions, movements, thoughts, it was ridiculous.  AND I TRIED TO SHIFT MY THOUGHT.  I SWEAR.  I could hear myself, see myself, and kept thinking – SHUT UP, stop, who cares, what really matters.  I turned a perfectly good Saturday morning hour – into a hellacious storm of mommy being pretty bitchy…it happens to the best of us!

We made it into the car, everything done, reconfigured the day’s errands and ended up getting where we were going 15 minutes early.  I apologized to both Bill and Zac.  We all moved on during the 45 minute car ride and had a great day.

Time – it’s a rough one for women today.  I know it is for men too, they have to get their own advocate.  I’m ours and during this crazy time of year when frenzy is in the air, take time to honor yourself.  Take time to allow the moment of space within you that beats the potential bitch inside down.  Take a second to grab air in your lungs and blow out the fear, stress, pain, worry, anxiety, sleep deprivation or whatever else that may be cropping up.  We deserve that tiny moment to allow everything to fall into place instead of falling on our heads.

Today, some of you on the East Coast are going to be digging out from a storm.  Take a few extra moments to realize that you have an excuse to be late, not get where you are going, have a bit of fun in the snow versing cursing it.  Linger for a few seconds longer over your tea, coffee, hot chocolate.  I give us all permission because we are amazing women who do an amazing amount every single day.

Hope you enjoy some of the time you suddenly find you have!

with passion and honor,

Laura

Wow…it’s here, it came, no stopping it, the night was calm, clear, serene, very special for us all.  The days leading up to last night were a whirlwind and I barely had time to catch my breath – and then, it was midnight.  And the sounds of music, laughter, voices, joy were in my head…right before I fell asleep!

Last night there was an extra moon phenomenon.  Below is the link in case someone mentions the blue moon to you and you are curious.  For us, it demonstrates a very special way to enter 2010…it tells us this year has the potential to be all we want it to be, all we can imagine, feel, and hope for as each day comes and goes.

We have all been through a range of emotions for a full year.  Today, we have the opportunity to clean the slate.  Today in our heads, hearts, and rational mind we can wipe away thoughts that slow us down, impede us, hinder us, drag us.  Today we get to pull out a new crayon/marker/pen and start writing again, simply because we can, because we want to, and because today is the 1st day of 2010.  It’s an opportunity, a beginning, a place to start for each of us, those in our life, those in the world we share.

There are many ways to do this exercise – find a place that is quiet and calm.  Sit, hear the silence, feel the silence, and then look inside you.  I know, how the hell do I do that?!  By thinking, that’s exactly how, sit and allow your thoughts to wander – inside.  Which means make your thoughts about YOU and only YOU.  Ouch, right?  Anytime your thought wanders to laundry, friends, family, colleagues, work, car, house, mess, food, weather, things you want to buy, things you don’t have and want or need – d—–r—–a—-g the thought right back to you.  I have to admit, sometimes it awful, hard, excruciating.  I PROMISE, after repeating it a number of times, it gets easier!  For this exercise, imagine yourself erasing the thoughts about you that don’t support you.  Imagine yourself erasing the person you are thinking about or the situation that isn’t supporting you.  It’s the first day of 2010 – YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CREATE WHATEVER YOU WANT.  Clear your mind, clear your slate.  Then create – think, draw, write – things that do support you!

As I sit here my son is running around, listening to a new game, listening to the tv, talking…so finding the space a moment alone might be almost impossible until you fall into bed at the end of the day.   THAT’S OKAY.  New things are about making, finding, seeing opportunity.  You deserve the moment, space, place, time for this moment.  If that moment isn’t in front of you, try doing it with those around you through conversation, questions, laughter, being in the moment of allowing, receiving, and maybe some giving to help those you are with embrace the thought, moment of themselves by celebrating them.

I did it by asking Zac what he wanted for 2010 that feels good, not a thing or toy.  He thought and said said I don’t know – I know all the thoughts and I don’t know which one to choose.  Good answer, we might be inundated with our thoughts.  In that case, allow them to flow around and see if you can feel one, see one, hear one.  When connecting with someone else, one of those swirling thoughts will pop into your head and you’ll know – that’s a start, that’s it, that is worth going on the list.

Okay, time to go play our new Curious George game.  A very happy new year to you all, a very special hug to each and everyone one of you for what you add to my life every single day.  As the day progresses, find 3 seconds to look inside and smile at your grace, beauty, goodness, and amazingness.

Happy New 2010!

with passion and honor,

Laura

Read about the extra blue moon that rang in the start to our year with a specialness we can’t deny!

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/2009/1231/Blue-moon-2009-a-New-Year-s-Eve-rarity

Okay, I am coming to realize something.  I am a superwoman…I’m not kidding.  I have an amazing husband who supports me, our family, and is working hard at life, passion, and self-growth.  Me? I’m doing all that and the laundry, meals, managing the house, managing when we take our vitamins, are we eating healthy, is my sons day rounded, is the cat fed and her litter box clean (I don’t actually clean it…), are we getting to our doctor appointments – are they even made?  It is a very long list of what I accomplish during an hour, a day, a week, a month.  I mean – it is extraordinary.  Know what, I bet you do exactly the same thing.  You might not have the same list as I do as we each have our lives.  My sister-in-law is doing her part while in remission from AML.  My mother does it as my dad is starting a physical aging process, which makes him constantly cranky.  As a woman, or a man who supports women, it is ours to say out loud – I am a superwoman.  I don’t wear a costume, fly an invisible plane, or run with a gang of superheroes.  I just do my daily life and work and job and tasks – because they need to get done, because I want them to get done.  I make a choice to do these things and I’m proud of that choice, I’m proud of the list, and I own these choices.  I often forget to tell myself that, to admit that, to acknowledge that.  My husband was recently on an extended trip and I was carrying everything alone.  When he came back we both had a new appreciation for how much we do for our lives and each other.

As you read this I ask you to take some time each day to:

·      Acknowledge yourself for how much is on your plate of life

·      Congratulate yourself for all that you do and forgive yourself for all that doesn’t get done

·      Admit we make a choice to do each thing in our life – the laundry CAN sit another day, the dishes CAN stay in the sink.  We make choices and it’s easier if we admit

·      When we own that the choices are ours, they are easier to bear and become lighter and less burdensome

·      Give yourself 30 extra seconds in front of the bathroom mirror and say – thank you for all you do.  I know it sounds silly, and it may feel silly.  When we embrace ourselves, acknowledge ourselves, and appreciate ourselves – all becomes better.

Have an excellent day today with your life, your journey, and your daily doings!

with passion and honor,

Laura

The other day I picked up the phone and a client was calling and she was laughing – it was the most amazing sound, pure laughter, maybe some tears, the sound of self-discovery and awareness.  It poured through the phone.  It was pure release.  She laughed for almost a minute – in such a way that I started laughing and crying with her.  We didn’t exchange a word, yet we fully communicated and shared an experience.  After that call I started thinking about laughter, the impact it has upon me, and when I feel and give laughter.   Also when I need laughter.

My husband has the most amazing laugh, it comes straight from his belly and he belts it out when he is in full joy.  I love hearing it and feeling it and knowing he is right in the moment.  One can’t help but get caught right up into it.

My son has fits of giggles when he is happy and laughing.  His eyes glow, he often winks at me, and energy flows right from him to me.  There is nothing to stop the happiness that comes over me when he is in his moment of sharing his love, laughter, and sunshine.

My niece has a laugh that bubbles up out of her.  Sometimes she can’t help it, it just shoots up out of her throat like a bubble, pops in the air and is there for all to hear, share, and enjoy.  She is 14 and it’s so real when it happens.

A friend of mine has a laugh that is totally engaging, sometimes silent, and sometimes so catchy you can’t catch your own breath when she is laughing.  My face often hurts when I get off the phone with her and my day is always brighter, lighter, and easier.

My brother has a laugh that bursts out of him.  It’s rare that we get to hear it but when we do – it’s so fun and captures your heart because you know something helped him escape for the moment into joy.  For that moment, his eyes gloss up and squint and you know he is happy.

These are just some examples as I thought about it when I hung up the phone. 

Laughter is a gift, a blessing, a reward, an invitation, and a special message between people.  Next time you have the chance take advantage of listening to the laughter of people in your life, defining it, knowing what it is and understanding how it impacts you.   When you are hitting a rough patch make sure you know which laugh lifts you up, catches your soul, helps you sing, forces you outside yourself and into a different place.  Pick up the phone and call upon that laughter for salvation, preservation, or just plain in the moment joy.  With passion and honor, Laura

Yesterday my son asked me – Mommy, how do you hug?  I said, what do you mean and he said – how do you hug, you know you get on your knees and…

In that moment thoughts swirled through my head about life, process, being a child, and living in our world at this very moment.  And I said –

I get down on my knees and wrap my arms around you.  I put my heart to your heart.  I squeeze you with love, honor, respect, and passion in my mind. Then I kiss you on the cheek. 

He said – yea, that. That’s how you hug, I forgot and needed to know.

As we continued our drive I thought about my last 3 months.  I have been trying to understand my own process of thinking, instructing, coaching, managing, and working with others. How do I do it, what do I do, feel, say that guides and moves people from where they are to their authentic self and passion.  It has been hell quite frankly.  It’s gut, instinct, and instant action – I didn’t KNOW HOW I did it.  Well, when you are trying to start up a business, grow a business, or improve your business, understanding this about yourself is essential. 

So I have pushed myself to be present and paying attention to my work instead of just going through the day on auto pilot.  I paid attention during my coaching sessions to how I feel and what I’m listening to, hearing, and how I translate that for the client.  Again, this is hard work, I can’t lie to you.  It takes being present and alert all day.  At night, I’m fried sometimes!  Then, one day a friend/client made a passing comment and I responded without thinking and then WHAM.  There it was – process, right in front of me.  IT’S SO FUN!  Figuring it out was like a slam of sunshine energy all over me – I felt like flying, soaring, singing, yelling, and hugging people.  I was sitting in the Chicago airport and I’m not sure anyone around me would have been into that.  So I picked up the phone instead to share with someone my moment.  My flight was called and I got on my plane to my destination.  My next few days were amazing.  Everything I saw and did helped me see process, helped me understand actions and reactions, gave me insight – to me.  Come on now, doesn’t that sound fun!  Again, the truth is, a month ago I would have really not liked reading this.  So if I’m pushing your buttons and it sounds awful, keep reading.  If you are smiling and feeling great, congratulations for walking to the other side of this step in life.

Soooooo, when my son asked me how I hug?  Instead of feeling tight inside, not knowing what to say, or blowing it off as a silly question – I knew just how to think about it and what to say.  Giving a hug is a process and when you think about it, it’s a series of actions just like anything we do.  As we learn more about ourselves, our chatter, and how to honor our authentic selves, answering questions, responding to requests, and because just another action in our day, instead of something that stops us in our tracks.

I invite you to think about how you process, what you process, and what your process is by using some of these steps:

·      In the morning when you get up, set the intention that this day you will pay attention to yourself in the moment.  This means that as your day progresses you attempt to watch yourself as you go through your actions, not just go through the actions of showering, brushing teeth, having morning coffee/tea, going to work, talking with people etc.

·      The second part of this process is to try and be aware how you feel as you go through your day and actions.  Which actions illicit a response inside you – a joyful feeling, satisfactions, beating heart, annoyance, irritation, laughter, fear.  All actions illicit a feeling.  Being in the moment allows you to actually feel and pay attention to what happens inside you.

·      The last part of this step happens at the end of the day either before bed, sitting on the couch, having your evening tea.  Think back over the day and acknowledge the feelings in conjunction with the actions.  It sounds something like this – in the shower I was totally relaxed because I love the sound of water and feel of steam in the morning.  My first cup of coffee brings joy and the ahhhhh feeling.  My morning encounter with traffic was like getting slammed in the face I was so annoyed.  A client call left me elated! Take 8 minutes and go through your day, think about the actions and any feelings. 

·      Do the above for until it no longer feels like work and it feels like something supporting your day.  This may take one day, 10 days, a month.  Allow it the time it takes.  It is the time you need.

·      When the above is part of your day and routine, it’s time to reframe the actions that are hard, annoying, irritating, physically bothersome.  It’s time to shift those feelings from negative to positive or productive.  This work might take talking it through with a coach, friend, therapist. Once you are flowing through your day in a more conscious state, (so easy for me to type out huh!) you can start to look at the steps of your actions – which is your process. 

·      Break down your action into a series of steps that makes up how we do something – get up in the morning, go through our morning routine, get to work, do our work, have our meetings, enjoy ourselves, eat food, engage with people, do hobbies or sports, play with kids.  Even write a report, give a presentation, come up with new ideas for work, create a design, work through a formula – all process.  Now pay attention to these actions, the feelings you have, and the thoughts in your head as you do them!

·      Voilà! Your process is the way in which you go through steps to complete an action – it is a combination of thinking, feeling, and doing – all in a moment. 

TO me, process is a combination of actions, feelings, thoughts and steps. Wow right?! Sounds so easy, sounds so basic, and sounds like it won’t take anytime to do.  It all takes time so prepare yourself, allow yourself to learn what each of the above takes.  Then allow yourself to feel each step.  Then receive each part as you learn it. 

Remember, I believe life is about learning and moving from where you are to where you want to be.  It isn’t easy because it takes realizing yourself in relation to the world around.  This is how it happens, one step at a time.

with honor and passion, Laura

Over the past few years I’ve noticed a theme with the people I work with, fear of falling, worry about taking the leap, the unknown creating a complete block.  I only recognize it because I had to first identify it for myself when I was falling in love with my now husband.  Then he was just a guy and taking the leap to fall in love was big, huge, scary, and a first for me.  Love wasn’t part of my plan, wasn’t something I understood, wasn’t something I was going to do…up until the very moment when I decided, at least I want to know what it feels like.  I went into therapy, did some serious work, and this guy walked right into my life.  He tested me, challenged me, and held his hand out for me to hold onto tightly as I started to fall.  I tell friends, it was like taking a jump off a cliff knowing you will land safely.  The free fall is terrifying and feels EXCELLENT and the landing is firm.  Sometimes, depending on whom you are and what stands in your way, the fall is fierce.  For others, it’s an easy jump with a soft landing.

I was reading an email from a friend recently that said – I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, I need to grow up.  It’s time for her to take the leap – the leap to believe in herself, her abilities, and her skills.  I want to help her look in the mirror and realize she has all she needs inside and around her to make her life what she wants it to be.  Easy for me to say, I took the first hard steps, I have my self-esteem, and a support system that I have created to guide me, help me, and rescue me.  I emailed her back – take the leap, you’ll land on your feet.  She asked how, and so here I sit wondering what to tell her, thinking through all the people I’ve walked to the edge of the cliff and watched as they leaped, or I pushed them, or they ran right over.  Where does one find the courage, strength, and inner guts to take that leap for life?  I have to say, it’s one step at a time.

·      The first step is finding the courage to believe in you.  It means an inner feeling and belief that is strong, grounded, and so says – it’s going to be okay.  No matter what happens, I am going to be okay.  When you can tell yourself that with any amount of belief, you are ready to walk to the edge and look around.

·      The next step is to move outside of you with strength, to the world around you and say out loud I WANT THIS, I DESERVE THIS, I AM GOING TO DO THIS/TAKE THIS/ACCOMPLISH THIS next step, next phase, place I want to move to and be.  It’s not about who hears it, it’s about your saying it.   When you feel something inside you as you hear yourself say these words outloud, you are ready to step off the ledge.

·      The last step is to know when you question yourself that you trust your inner gut is right and you CAN do it, WILL do it, and NEED to do it for you.  It’s time to take the leap and it’s the right decision because you are strong enough for the impact. When you realize this is the place you have to be because nothing else is working, let yourself float right over and soar. 

Looks like 3 easy steps – doesn’t it.  I won’t lie to you and say it’s easy.  It’s hard work and I guide people through it because doing it takes fortitude, perseverance, and often permission we don’t give ourselves.  I guide people to the edge and tell them taking the risk in you is a worthy investment and they might be shocked at the result.  The feelings inside you might have as this happens through the steps – fear, anxiety, light-headedness, worry, nausea, anticipation, excitement, joy, happiness, relief, and in the end, the understanding that it was worth it to go through the steps and take the leap.

Now I take myself through the process because I spot the feelings coming on that say a leap is coming.  I prepare myself, ready myself as I walk forward, and then take my leap and free float through the air until I find myself where I need to be, moving forward.  I invite you to try this with something in your life you feel is blocking you, stopping you, hindering you.  You may just need to take a leap of faith in you! With honor and passion, Laura 

My son is 4 1/2 years old.  He talks, talks, talks, non stop from the moment he gets up until the moment he falls asleep.  Mommy – why blah blah blah, mommy – can you blah blah blah, mommy where are you, mommy will you get, mommy play with me…it goes on and on from 5am until bed.  During the day he’s in school and I get a break while I do my full time job, run my household, and manage our lives.  I love my son, adore my son, cherish my son and have learned so much from my son.  This lesson – the value of silence.  I’m a talker, I talk too, a ton.  My husband is a talker, we talk.  We explore, ask questions, probe, argue, with each other, others, in person, on the phone.  Our world is communicating and connecting.  Sometimes, I need, want, have to have silence, peace, a moment where I can think, hear my thoughts, center myself.  That’s not an easy thing to do in today’s world.  

Our world is busy, loud, fast paced, and rarely slows for people to find their center, hear themselves, or collect thoughts.  We have to take charge and do it for ourselves, own it, demand it, realize we deserve it.  By the way, I am the QUEEN of not doing any of those things!  So take this from where it comes, a person who struggles with this and is trying everyday.  My son is in my world to help me, force me to demand this of myself and my world.  My struggle is HOW DO I DO IT?!?!  How do I find the time, take the time, steal the time???  I have 625,902 things to do at any given moment.  

The answer is quite simple, put yourself first.  ACHHHHH, feel the tightness in your chest, stomach, head?  Oh, sorry, that’s my reaction that I’m putting upon you…  Put yourself first because when we do, amazing things happen.  Things are easier, we resist less, we react less, we feel better, we smile more.  Seems like a no brainer, doesn’t it? Just put yourself first in a society that doesn’t really promote that for women, with enculturation of the do everything and like it attitude it’s plain hard.  

So I start with small steps – and I am trying to celebrate that.  I started adding a few minutes on the weekends into my schedule.  When my husband gets up and comes downstairs, I head back up to my bed for as long as I can to read my magazines, do a soduku, try and rest – or, gasp, even listen to some music.  I then added time before bed.  No matter what time I get myself into bed, I take 5 full minutes to read something, anything, 5 minutes.  I have 20 books by my bed, 10 magazines at any given time, journals to write in, cds.  It’s all right there, waiting, gathering dust, taunting me.  It’s on me, I have to make the time for me and put myself first – starting slowly with 10 minutes a day.  My goal is to work up to an hour!  YAY ME!  

It takes admitting that things may have to sit – laundry, dishes, work, to do list, yard work, errands.  It takes communicating with your partner, family, judgement callers in your life that this is happening so you allow all the way around for yourself.  It takes teaching your young children a bit about patience and it means you will model for your children that you deserve to put yourself first sometimes.  It’s a daily struggle for me.  Writing this blog is part of it – find the time twice a week for silence so I can write this, feel it, know what I want to share about living life, being, and growing.  

The one thing I will say I have learned?  Silence really is amazing, beautiful, loud, totally peaceful and not scary.  It works, when I allow silence I hear all the answers I’m looking for in my world and day.  Try it – add one minute to your day, schedule, routine and give yourself a place for silence with no thinking, just sitting.  How you ask?  

• Before you walk into work, sit in your car for 1 minute, before you pick up the kids arrive 1 minute early to sit, at the grocery store take 1 extra minute before you go into the market, before a meeting take 1 minute to sit at your desk and stare.
• Close your eyes or keep them open and stare out a window, at a picture, in a small mirror.  
• And listen, just listen to the air around you, other people talking, the outside noise.  
• As you get comfortable with this, you will next be able to listen to you – your heart beating, your breathing in and out, how you feel inside as you sit.  
• And then?!  Then, you will soon be able to hear inside of you and it won’t be work to listen.  You will hear clarity.
• Next, you will be able to feel things inside you.  Again, it won’t be scary, you simply will feel – something.
• When the hearing and feeling connect – you will start having a better sense of things you need to do for yourself, your life, your family/friends/relationships.

See what happens and let me know!  Be patient with yourself if this is new for you.  I can tell you first hand, it’s hard and you’ll need to forgive yourself many times throughout the process, maybe swear or scream.  Smile when you fail, celebrate when you succeed!

with honor and passion, Laura

I am a total word person – I use too many, talk too much, and they are always floating in my head.  And then I joined Twitter (@transitionqueen twitter.com).  Twitter has changed my world.  It sounds hokey or cliché doesn’t it?  Well, besides the fact that I have now connected to a world of people I didn’t know existed, their web sites with HUGE amount of information, and a body of work I have been looking for endlessly – besides all that?! I have to condense what I want to say to 140 characters.  

Let’s see what 140 characters looks like, with spaces using one space instead of two. 140 characters is just enough room to say your direct 

That’s it.  That’s 140 characters which I know because I went into Twitter to type it to be sure.  It’s a tiny amount of space to convey thoughts, energy, connect with people from all over the world.  And here I sit at 3 am writing my 140 characters with people from everywhere – because there are always people on Twitter – and learning.  You can learn from people in 140 characters as they connect you to tons and tons of information.  I never knew how much I might convey in just 140 characters.  Wonder how Twitter people came up with it.  Easy enough to find out.  Hold please and I shall google it – well 20 minutes just passed and I found more excellent information – not my answer to how they picked 140 characters.  I do know that they are writing a book now for HOW to maximize that space.  Me?  I just tighten my thoughts, cut out extra words, and remove words I really don’t need.  It’s quite amazing to me how many words I can simply delete and create the exact same effect and sentence!  

Connecting with people on Twitter has been really amazing.  There are multiple worlds going on there and you can find others doing what you are doing, creating, working, loving what they do.  Figuring out how to tap into their work, energy, and add it to my world is where I currently am with Twitter – all in 140 characters or less.

Today and tonight my husband and I have been in the miscommunication battle.  It started this morning over something I no longer remember.  I do remember my hurt, frustration, and anger.  I smoothed it over so and we continued our day – play date with friends for 7 hours.  Multiple times during the day plans my husband and I made prior to the play date, changed.  He changed them, I changed them, they changed.  My son had a great day, totally fun day with friends.  It was too long for him, wasn’t what I would of done if we’d been alone blah blah blah…he had a great day.  Tonight, after repeated battles, my husband and I are in a stand off of emotion and miscommunication.  We are both right, both wrong, and both tired of fighting.  Quite frankly, I don’t know what to do.  I’ve done my reading, work, journeying.  I get that I’m not supposed to take what he says personally, that his stuff is about him, I’m trying not to react, I’m trying to learn my lessons, come from a place of understanding many different levels of many things…and it makes me tired.  It makes him tired.  Know what?  I don’t know the next step.  What happens when we have tried it all and are still unresolved.  One of us usually gives, and tonight neither of us want to because we’re simply too tired.  Do we just move on?  I’m filled with frustration, anger, and resistance.  I’m the one who usually brings us back to center – and like a 5 year old I’m stamping my foot because I DON’T WANT TO at this moment.  So here I sit and type, to the universe, the world, trying to shift my thoughts to calm and balance and flow.  

The one thing I do know?  I love him and don’t want to be with anyone else or alone.  And that softens my heart against the hardness and reminds me that it’s worth it to come to middle ground or to be the one who must concede most of the time.  I also remember that being in a relationship takes commitment to the process of communication.  There is so much assumption, expectation, and history of our upbringing and culture that is in our paths, it’s a wonder people make relationships work at all.  Sometimes my husband is just tired of the talk and negotiation.  And when that happens I either have a soft heart or a hard heart that resists the place he is which is resisting the place I am.  It’s the yin yang loop – the flow of the line that goes up and down in the middle of the yin yang – good times, difficult times, hard times, flow times.  Today was all at once over the course of 12 hours.  Is there a moon shift going on?

As my day comes to an end, I say with relief, and I take the time to give me a moment to hear my thoughts and needs and communicate with me, I wonder how this will end.  Will I go back downstairs for the third time?  Will he come up?  In 12 years we have never gone to bed angry.  I hope we don’t start tonight.  I hope my heart finds a way to soften as it listens to the silence around me.  I simply don’t have an answer in this moment.  with honor and passion, Laura